I'm in the middle of my Masters Athletics World Championships in Sweden and I've just experienced starkly, the power of framing.
By framing I mean the context we refer to when we're thinking about something. Us humans are relative thinkers - we attribute meaning to an idea or event in relation to a context.
For example a non-athlete friend asked me if 15 seconds was a fast time for a 100m race. If I answer that with 100m times from the Olympics as my context, then no, it's abysmal. Even if I answer it with my own PB (Personal Best) as an athlete in my 50s as the context, no, it's not good. But if the context is the 95-99 year olds racing the 100m here at World Champs, or an eight year old at Little Athletics, then yes, it's BRILLIANT!
I had a striking experience of this two days ago here at World Champs. I was in a group of 30 women being led out into the competition arena to do the Long Jump. Over the course of the next hour or so, the context for my prospects in this activity shifted several times, and with it, my feelings - my experience.
So there we are at the Long Jump runway. Everyone gets three jumps, then the top eight athletes get another three. Here's how it went:
Prior to starting competition:
FRAME: I haven't been able to train for this; I've done a total of three jumps in the last two years and all of them were fouls; I've just emerged from injury and so I have no idea what my body can do right now, and there are several athletes who've registered with seed jumps of 5m or more, so the competition will be tough and I'm unlikely to medal. But, sometimes I can pull it out of the bag, and it's good fun so I'll give it a crack.
FEELINGS: calm, looking forward to giving it a go, not much excitement about prospects of success
After the first two qualifying jumps (4.67m; 4.63m):
FRAME: I'm coming third! I wonder if I might actually be able to win the bronze medal in this!
FEELINGS: excitement, a little nervousness now that I had something to gain/lose
After jump 3 (4.68m)
FRAME: Damn, I'm coming fourth. Now I HAVE to jump better or I'll narrowly miss out!
FEELINGS: tension, determination, FOMO
Now we drop down to only the top eight athletes doing the final three jumps. The current leader is on 4.83m.
After jump 4 (4.91m)
FRAME: Holy cow, I can't believe I just did that! I'm so stoked that I'm jumping back up near 5m again (that used to be my normal ball-park before injury). OMG I might actually win this!!
FEELINGS: surprise, disbelief, nervousness as I watched the other athletes jump
After jump 5 (foul - too much of a tail wind, I didn't adjust enough, but it looked over 5m)
FRAME: I can't believe it, I'm still in the lead! These specialist long jumpers aren't jumping their seed marks (that they entered when they registered for the comp). Heck, I might really actually win!!
FEELINGS: tension, anticipation, humour (as I noticed the rapidly changing frame and the rapidly changing feelings that went along with it)
After the final jump (4.93m)
FRAME: OMG there are only two people left who could do better. I might actually win this!
FEELINGS: tension, anticipation of excitement, nervousness
The last athlete to jump (the one who was leading after the qualifying round) then pulled something out of the bag and jumped 5.13m.
FRAME: Oh damn!!! Now I only get the silver! So close to winning, but I miss out. AND also, thrilled to get any medal at all, let alone a silver.
FEELINGS: disappointment, joy, surprise, pleased that I was beaten by a good jump
Now, go back through that chronicle and just read the FEELINGS lines. See how they lurch here and there, depending on nothing other than my thoughts! I went into the event thinking I was unlikely to medal. I finished it with a silver and the feeling of disappointment arose! If you need a clear example of the power of framing, there it is.
If I had never hit the lead, if I'd just gone from 4th, to 3rd, to 2nd, I'm sure there would have been no disappointment. But the frame, or the context I was attending to by the end of the event, was the possibility that I might win.
And if I'd gone in to the comp with winning as my frame, I'm sure there would have been nothing BUT disappointment. Our feelings, our experience is all driven by the mental frame we put around it.
Mental framing is the deliberate choice of which facts to attend to (and not attend to) in order to influence your experience. It's an emotionally adept process that can be practised to benefit our wellbeing. The story I've shared with you here is just a sporting event which didn't impact my wellbeing, but many life situations do and learning to manage our mental frame can profoundly affect their impact on us.
Re-framing has elements of both skill and will.
If you'd like to learn a process for re-framing (the skill bit), I've got a tool in my "Getting Unstuck" menu called Fixing the Frame. I invented this to get myself out of an emotional hole a few years ago when things hadn't been going my way for some time, there wasn't anything I could do about it, and I was feeling powerless and down. This process makes a visceral difference to how I feel about unpleasant situations that I can't, or choose not to change. I highly recommend it if you are facing that in your life right now.
The will element is interesting (i.e. the willingness to do it). Occasionally I find myself not wanting to go through the process of fixing the frame. When I bring curiosity to that, I usually find I haven't yet fully had the feelings that are arising. To move on to fixing it feels like I'm just riding over the top of something that needs to be acknowledged. If I take the time to be fully present to what emotions are here (I also have a free tool called What am I feeling? if you need help with that), the willingness to move into solutions tends to then arise spontaneously.
What unpleasant situations are present in your life right now? Perhaps one that you don't control, or you choose not to change for some reason? A job you don't love but that you're staying in? A promotion you missed out on? Some behaviours your partner exhibits that upset you but you know they won't or can't change them? An illness or injury that stops you from doing the things you want to? A decision you made that you now regret but you're stuck with it?
If changing the situation is not feasible, then change the frame through which you see it. This doesn't involve gilding the lily or fooling ourselves, it's simply exercising wise and skillful choice about the true facts to which you pay attention. Doing so changes your experience.
This skill (and willingness to use it) is a very powerful tool to have in your toolkit for personal growth - for becoming an artisan of your own character. Not to mention for de-stressing your life!
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