Tools for Getting Un-stuck
It's really normal to feel stuck. Getting un-stuck - not so much. Life doesn't come with a user manual. We don't know how to discharge our difficult feelings. So we often respond by being down, grumpy, pessimistic, irritable, mean, or despondent and generally making things worse for ourselves and those around us.
Here are some tools to help with some common stuck-ness. They are step by step guides and they really work. We know because our community tells us - and we use them all the time ourselves.
You can choose just the Tools that help with a specific situation, or you can have access to the entire suite of Flourish Tools by doing the Flourishing Life Blueprint online Program.
Below are descriptions of what each one is useful for. If you know which one you want just click on it (links in blue). Otherwise read through the more detailed descriptions below and see which ones are most relevant for you.
Fixing the Frame - get yourself out of a negative eddy when the mind is stuck in a downward spiral - on a one-way slide down hill.
Inviting Your Demons in for a Tea Party - undermine your reactivity to a sensitivity or a hot button, by getting to know your fears and hurts - the things that scare you.
Fixing the Frame
Things happen in life that we don't like, and sometimes we can't change them. Or maybe we can but we choose not to because the alternatives are worse. However the situation we're in is not what we'd like it to be and this can make us feel stuck in a negative mental and emotional space.
Sometimes our own minds can start swirling in this direction without even being stuck in life. We find ourselves thinking about something unpleasant and next thing we know, our mind's off and running, re-hashing old stories or imagining new ones that haven't even happened - ruminating on anything with the same unpleasant feeling.
We call this a 'negative eddy'. We find ourselves pulled downwards, our energy and vitality start seeping away, once it gets flowing in a particular direction it can be very difficult to change.. At some point it seems that joy and lightness are strangers, mere memories, and we struggle to access them. And when we do the positive feelings are fleeting.
This is where we can use wise attention to change track.
Our minds take the shape of what we rest them on. This tool helps you lure your mind to a better place. It's not about fooling or deluding yourself, or putting on rose coloured glasses. It's about filling your attentional frame wisely.
It's about your mental health. It's about taking care of yourself as you would a friend.
When our minds go to these places we're in pain. If your hand touched a hot stove, wouldn't you take it off? Of course you would. So why don't we do this when we're in unnecessary emotional pain?
Because we don't know how. That's where Fixing the Frame comes in. It walks you step by step through a process to fill your attentional frame with true facts that are also helpful to your mental state. This changes how you feel.
The results are often quick, and SUCH a relief. The energy returns, the mind is suddenly free to roam to other places, the heaviness is lifted and a sense of possibility and engagement with life arise naturally. It's like someone just re-inflated our balloon.
You can use this tool over and over again for the rest of your life, any time you feel your mind being pulled down into a negative eddy.
Investment in your wellbeing: AU$170
Inviting Your Demons in for a Tea Party
Here I am again. Triggered by the same upsets, blaming others, avoiding things, pushing people or experiences away, desperately chasing things - outstanding success, perfection, notoriety, wealth, popularity - as if they are going to make me eternally happy. I know I've got sensitivities - 'hot buttons' - things that set me off, that make a mess of things.
The upset seems to just rise up and grab me. I don't know how to un-hook from it - to let it go or leave it behind. I may know where the sensitivity comes from (or not) but I just can't seem to release myself from its grip.
I feel powerless in its presence. Trapped. Unable to respond maturely or skillfully. It's like it takes over me. Sometimes I think I've grown out of it, but then a certain situation arises and - boom! Here I am again, at its mercy.
Sound familiar? This is reactivity. We're stuck and we don't have access to our full range of creativity and capabilities to draw on.
The 'hook' is some kind of experience that we've associated with fear. It might be thinking others see me as imperfect, or a loser, or not in control, or wrong.
The fear might be around displeasing other people or not doing 'the right thing' all the time, or not being accepted, not belonging.
Maybe it's being seen as competent or respectable or credible, which we've come to believe is the closest thing we'll get to being loved.
Whatever the specific nature of our hook, it throws us into reactivity. There's a demon attached to it - something that scares us. It feels like our very emotional survival is at stake.
At its heart is often a fear of loss or hurt. There's some basic human need that's not being filled. Maybe it's a physical need to have your material needs met. Maybe it's a need for autonomy, for certainty, or for belonging to a group. Us humans feel unsafe when these needs are not met.
But there's more to us than this. To flourish we also need pleasure, we need to engage our talents, to achieve things with them, and to connect with others personally - more than just belonging to a group. And we need to contribute to something outside of ourselves, something bigger than just me and my life.
These needs too, if they're left empty, can lead to life feeling hollow, lacking meaning, lacking joy. These are not trifling matters. They can lead to dark places.
To disempower our reactive patterns, we need to dismantle them. To do that, we need to see clearly what they are and how they work. We need to get to know our demons. When we do, they stop scaring us so much. Sometimes they stop scaring us at all!
This tool is a step by step guide to turning and facing your demons. It helps you to get to know them rather than running from them or blocking them out. It builds in a detailed awareness of the way the fear works, and helps you to dismantle it.
As you do this, you'll feel freer, and less heavy, like you've been released from a prison in your own mind. You'll be able to think about the stressful situation and stay in your seat.
There may still be some fear arise, but it won't take you over. There'll be a spaciousness, an ability to respond from your values rather than react on autopilot, even if there's also discomfort. You can stop being scared of yourself! You won't feel so stuck any more, maybe not at all!
You can have a go at this on your own. If you've got well developed personal questioning skills this might be all you need. Or if you need some help with that you'll soon be able to book in for a guided Demon Tea Party with a Flourish Guide. Subscribe to our mailing list to find out when.
You'll be able to tell very clearly if this is all you need, through the drop in stress that you feel, how well you've gotten to know your demon - how well you've made friends with it. In fact you'll measure it as part of the process!
Investment in your wellbeing: $170